Most people don’t have to discuss sexual fantasies and secret desires in everyday life. Sex therapists talk about these topics every day and have long noted that clients mention certain fantasies more often than others.
1. Having a threesome
“Both singles and couples fantasize about inviting a third person into the bedroom. In part, this is appealing because of the increased sensual stimulation due to the touching of multiple body parts. The idea is attractive to couples as a way to diversify intimate life, rekindle fading passion,” shares Vanessa Marin, a sexologist and therapist.
2. Dominate or submit.
“We see that both men and women are interested in this. Usually men prefer to dominate and women to submit, but there are exceptions. Dominance fantasies show a thirst for power, a desire to feel in complete control of a situation and to see that the other person is willing to do your every command.
Submission is arousing for two reasons: first, the submissive receives the complete, undivided attention of the dominant, and second, he releases control and feels himself an object for another’s pleasure,” say Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman, sexology therapists and co-authors of Making Love for Real.
3. Treating feet and shoes as a sexual object
“Such fantasies are very common. Men imagine stimulating their genitals with their feet or imagining a woman walking on them in her shoes. Some get aroused by imagining women’s shoes. The sight of feet in shoes is highly arousing to some people.
These fantasies usually begin in adolescence. Given how shoes are advertised and displayed, it is not surprising that they become an erotic object for some. If the fantasy is kept secret or the partner is unpleasant, the desire only increases, associating with shame and turning into forbidden fruit,” states Gracie Landes, sexologist and family therapist.
4. Repeatedly bringing your partner to orgasm
“This is the most common fantasy men have. They dream of making love to a partner who enjoys sex, who freely expresses her desires and responds to every touch. Perhaps they recall a particularly passionate encounter from the past, images from porn, fantasize about their secret love. In either case, the fantasy woman experiences multiple orgasms.
The fantasy arises because men have to talk their partners into having sex. Many have told us that they begin to lose their desire and arousal because they know or suspect that the woman is not in the mood. On the contrary, when the partner is aroused, it arouses the man even more. Knowing that he’s good in bed boosts his self-esteem,” says Kimberly Risnick Anderson, a sexologist and therapist.
5. Watching a partner have sex with another/another
“Most strive to maintain a monogamous relationship, so such fantasies remain taboo. Watching another’s hand touching his or her body, lips touching our partner’s lips, we become convinced once again that our partner is attractive and desirable, and our relationship with him or her becomes unpredictable, as if returning us to the early days of falling in love.
In the position of observer, voyeurist (even if only imaginary) we may or may not have power, but through the prism of fantasy the pain of jealousy turns into pleasure,” says Ian Kerner, sexologist-therapist and author of “A Guide to Female Satisfaction for Thinking Men”.